


let me go and let the lonely in

by The_Doctors_Song



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: AU, Definitely not normal, F/M, Fluff, Light Smut, References to Drugs, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 06:08:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Doctors_Song/pseuds/The_Doctors_Song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex freezes as he reaches out for her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her down to lie beside him. It seems a, subconscious move. Something so natural that she relaxes instantly, though her brow still creases in worry, in concern. "Matt." She whispers softly, her heart pounding with fear for him. He smiles again, the haze in his head clearing slightly as he looks towards the woman standing beside him, nodding his head as he says 'I do' and grins. "I love you... 'Lex."</p>
            </blockquote>





	let me go and let the lonely in

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Christina Perri's 'The Lonely'. I don't know why, I couldn't think of a title. I also don't know what happened here. Just, pretend it's good okay? Okay.

She's not the same, but she's all he's got. He'll take her, everything she has to give, because he loves her. That's all that matters right? 

He loves her?

**XX**

_The first time they meet, it's a morning of clichés. Cliché  after cliché after cliché. She, spilling coffee all over him. He, apologising profusely to her. They laugh it off, and he buys her another latté. She offers to buy him another shirt. He grins, she blushes, they exchange numbers and part ways, glancing over shoulders as they walk away from each other slowly, reluctantly, as if the direction they're walking towards is wrong._

_He returns the next morning with a sliver of hope he may see her again. His curly-haired angel. For that is what he is sure she is. Fair skin, dazzling smile, hair that halo's her head and eyes - Oh, those eyes! -, they are what truly drew him in. Pools of blue and green and grey and flecks of gold. If not an angel, she was something else. Something, incredible._

_He had high hopes of seeing her again. Daring to don his best button-up shirt, even if it may stain and smell of coffee for days following. He didn't mind. It was well worth it. She was well worth it._

_He sits in a booth in the corner of the room, eyes scanning every few minutes in the off chance he'll be able to spot those wildly-curly locks and the brilliant smile he's memorised. He doesn't know her name, but there's something familiar about her. Something nagging at him, tingles running down his neck, down his spine. He knows her. He just can't remember._

_It doesn't matter now, because she's just walked through the door, pulling down the umbrella she'd been hiding under and it's then he realises it's been raining. 'When did that happen?' He shakes his head and bows it, attempting to look as if he hadn't been sitting there for a little over two hours waiting for her, under the guise of consistent rounds of full-strength cappuccino's and cups of tea. He has a half eaten scone placed in front of him, a newspaper to duck behind, but she's seen him anyway, and he knows she's seen him. She smiles, thanks the waitress, and glances around. It's ridiculously empty, the coffee shop. Aside from him, only five other's occupy the space. An elderly couple who sit in comfortable silence, a man in a suit working on his laptop, a mother and her son eating breakfast. There's plenty of seats, and he looks down at the remarkably uninteresting report on weather patterns because he's fairly sure she's walking closer._

_He glances up over the pages of his newspaper as she sits down at the table across from him, offering a tiny smile before he lowers his gaze once again. He feels like a teenager. He feels nothing like the twenty-whatever year old he is. He's sure that he'll start blushing any moment now, start stuttering out a greeting and accidentally knock his own drink to the floor. It's happened before. He'd rather it didn't happen again._

_Instead of doing anything, he does nothing. He continues to read, grip tight on the corners of the paper as he restrains from making a fool of himself. It's strange, really. To be so fascinated or, or to feel such strong feelings after a chance encounter little less than a day ago. The shop is quiet. The only sounds audible are the typing of the suit, the murmuring of the toddler and the whistle of the steamer. There's a radio playing softly, and he can hear the slight hum of the heater that keeps them all warm. They sit across from each other, a table separating them as they pay little attention to anything really. They don't acknowledge each other, just casual smiles when they catch each other's eye. For a fleeting moment, he wonders if she'd come in looking for him too._

_It soon becomes a routine. Every morning he'll order a coffee, pick up the paper and move to his seat. Moments later, she'll walk through the door. They'll smile at each other, the waitress will hand her her order, and she'll sit in her seat opposite him. It goes on for days. He's too shy to say anything and she seems content to just sit in silence. Nothing changes, except sometimes he'll order toast instead of a scone._

_It isn't until three weeks after they met when they speak again. And, coincidentally, it's because of the very same reason as the first. He stood, folding the paper over and picking up his coffee, walking forward towards the trash when she stood as he passed, not realising he'd paused and was standing right behind her. Turning, she crashed in to his back, jerking him forward and once again, spilling scalding hot coffee down his chest. He yelps, cussing under his breath as he wipes at the droplets sinking in to his shirt. "Oh god, I'm sorry."_

_He turns, smiling at her despite the heat burning his chest. He shakes his head, licking his lips as he places the mug on the table. "No, it's fine. Really." She smiles, though her brow is still creased in concern as she pulls a few napkins from the condiment bar beside them. "This seems to be a thing. Me burning you with coffee." He smiles, thanking her quietly as he takes the napkins from her outstretched hands and dabs at his chest, looking up momentarily. "I don't mind." He murmurs quietly, relishing the slight tinge to her cheeks._

_Looking up, she smiles and shrugs slightly, cocking her head to the side and gesturing dramatically to the counter. "At least let me buy you another? Return the favour." She raises a brow, a sudden flirtatiousness coating her tone though he knows, somehow he just knows, she wasn't aware of it. That it wasn't intentional. Shaking his head with a smile, he dumps the newspaper in the rubbish and holds out his coffee-stained arm. "After you, m'lady." She grins, brows creasing together as her eyes narrow in humour and she links her arm with his, he guiding her to the counter whilst the waitress watches on in amusement. They'd been sneaking glances at each other two weeks shy of a month! It was about bloody time they spoke. "You're a little odd, aren't you." She states, smiling coyly as he scoffs, glaring at her mockingly before dissolving in to fits of 'Yeah, yeah I - I kind of am'. It's the first conversation they've had beyond the 'Shit, I'm sorry' and 'Don't worry 'bout it'. He finds it's going quite well._

_She orders his drink for him, and he stares at her as she clears her throat and shrugs. "I like to observe". He nods because he can't really say he doesn't know her own order himself. Vanilla Latté with two sugars and full cream milk, a bagel to go with it in the mornings. At least once a week she'll have tea, but he hasn't quite got a schedule for that yet. It changes every week. Irish once, English another, Chai this past Monday. He has this inkling that she normally drinks tea by the bucketload, maybe one in the morning upon waking, another after breakfast, nearing lunch, after lunch, just before dinner and one more time before bed. It's excessive, and illogical, but he thinks he's right. She has that tea-y scent, or something._

_He glances away quickly, an effort to hide the awkward thoughts flitting through his own mind. How can he seemingly know her so well, and yet not even know her name? His eyes widen slightly and he turns just as the girl across the counter hands him his new beverage. Smiling at her in thanks, he glances to the woman standing by his side, her head tilted and eyes narrowed in thought. "I'm Matt by the way, should probably introduce myself."_

_Huffing a soft laugh, she licks her lips and he's instantly drawn to the slight gloss across her skin. His heart seemingly skips a beat and he coughs, shifting on his feet as she grins at him. "River. My name is River." She extends her hand, and he extends his. Skin ghosting over skin, they both smile at each other._

_And he manages not to spill his coffee._

**XX**

_The routine continues, except now they sit at the same table, talking quietly with an occasional burst of laughter or blushing cheeks. Matt is quick to learn that River is far from shy - normally. But having relaxed around him, lost the little tension she'd had upon their first official breakfast, River soon loses that shyness and is all flirt and innuendo and casual touches from then on. Matt doesn't mind, it's refreshing after simply stealing glances at any opportunity. Her voice is quite possibly his second favourite thing about her. Her eyes his first. Her hair his third. It's magnificent hair, he won't dispute that. But those eyes are what surely made the angels sing. He shivers for a moment, singing and angels, for some unknown reason, tapping a foreboding shiver along his spine. How odd._

_He finally bucks up the courage to ask her on a date. A proper, non-coffee related date. He's not surprised when she agrees, even though he's certain he should be. He spends an hour on his hair alone, fighting with his locks in an effort to tame them for at least this night. Again, he's unsurprised when they just flop back in to place. Sighing, he pads out of his bathroom and towards his closet, now under the tedious task of finding actual clothes. He's fairly sure going out in his boxers isn't the best idea. River may like it though. She'd probably join him in his half-nakedness. He blinks for a moment, images filtering in to his head. It's not unwanted, it's just bad timing. He'd already had his shower._

_He picks her up in a cab, sliding over to let her sit beside him and openly ogling her. She - is - magnificent. Curls piled atop her head, dress hugging every curve she has to offer, a slit in her dress displays one creamy thigh and he tries his best not to lower his gaze for too long. He swallows and smiles, leaning forward to whisper their destination to the driver before leaning back, finding River's shoulder brushing his own. "Where are we going?" He turns to her, shaking his head as he bops her nose, and she pulls away, shocked. "Not telling, it's a secret." She smiles open-mouthed, lips parted as she nods slowly. "In fact, you need to put this on."_

_She blinks down at his hand, her eyebrow rising as she smirks at him, her own fingers reaching out to trace along the silky top of the fabric in his hands. "Blindfold's on the first date dear? My, you move quickly." Matt rolls his eyes, mentally patting himself on the back for the distinct lack of redness in his cheeks. "I promise, it'll be worth it." River smiles, a small secretive smirk as she softly murmurs 'It already is' before she lifts her hands and presses the blindfold to her eyes. He smiles as she tightens the strap, fiddling with the button on his sleeve as he ponders his choice in destination._

_He'd never been too great at first dates. Something bad always happened to ruin them. He'd crashed the car once, scraped the paint job and proceeded to spend an hour hyperventilating about how much trouble he was going to be in, and what he was going to do with the dented, scratched up car. Needless to say, his first dates consequently ended up becoming his last dates._

_She turns to him, eyes now covered by silky fabric, and grinning, he leans forward until their noses nearly touch. "Matt?" Narrowing his eyes, he smiles. "How many fingers am I holding up?" She jumps, startled. She hadn't realised he was so close, barely an inch from her person. She exhales sharply, licking her lips as she purrs low in her throat. "I don't know." Matt shivers, pulling back quickly and scooting just a little farther. "None. None whatsoever."_

_River smirks, blinking behind black silk as she rubs one of her hands against her thigh.  She won't admit it, though for some odd reason she feels as if she can, but she's nervous. Incredibly so. She knows her age, she's sure she can guess his. But that's not the biggest obstacle she's been struggling with overcoming. She's been hurt far too many times, and self-preservation is like second nature now. She's not quite sure how, but the moment that coffee cup tipped over and coated the uniquely attractive man standing behind her, her defences had seemingly dropped. As if her body, or rather her very being, was in tune to him. Remembered him. But that was impossible. She'd never met the man before in her life._

_Matt, as it was, had thought the very same thing. Thinking back on it, he remembers his arms, despite the scolding liquid seeping through his shirt, falling to her hips to steady River in case she fell backwards. A natural, gut reaction, that felt so so right._

_Why did it feel so right?_

_Shaking his head as the cab slows, he smiles nervously before remembering he'd blinded her. "Right, right - Blindfold." River smirks, lifting one brow that he could spot over the edge of the silk as he glanced down for a momentary second. Blinking, he glances out the window, and then tentatively drops his hand to cover hers. "I'll lead you." River nods, smiling still as he climbs from the cab and helps her out after him. She shivers softly as the cold air hit her bare shoulders, and she frowns. "Where are we?" Matt grins, shaking his head as he scoffs. "Nope, not telling you."_

_Sighing, though a small smile curved her lips, River relents, allowing him to lead her across soft terrain to - was that water? Slowly, he brings his hand to the small of her back and walks her to a stop. She bites softly in to her lower lip as he braces one hand on her shoulder, his arm pressed warmly against her shoulder blades as he applies the lightest of pressure to the small of her back. "Okay, you can look now." She can hear the nervous anticipation in his voice as he speaks, and she in turn, smiles. "Can you help me darling?"_

_Matt nods, more so for his benefit than for hers. The arm around her shoulder drops, his hand sliding up her neck and over her somewhat tames curls to bat softly at the ties before pulling. They fall loose easily, dropping from around River's eyes and she blinks, the sudden light disorientating at first. As her eyes adjust, her lips part in a silent gasp as she finds that they're standing on the side of a lake, the newly raised moonlight ghosting over the surface of the water and shining on to a - a picnic? "A picnic at night?" Her voice is soft, welcoming. She's not disappointed. Just surprised. She hadn't been on a picnic since - well, for a very long time. "Is it - Is it okay?" River smiles, shaking her head as she turns and places her own hand on his shoulder, comforting. "It's lovely Matt."_

_He grins then, pleased and proud, everything he should be. It must have taken a lot to plan this, considering it's only a first date scenario, she'd been expecting a restaurant dinner. He leads her to the blanket, helping her to sit before rounding to the other side and plopping down. She smiles as he does in return, licking his lips before he moves to the basket and begins to unpack food. She takes a moment to take everything in. The scenery, the quiet, the company. Her eyes land on the reflection in the water, the moon bouncing across the water in succession. "It's gorgeous here. Reminds me of the old tales, the stories from ancient worlds." She murmurs quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace that had washed over them. "I imagine this is how Olympus looks, or at least part of it. Perhaps - Asguard, maybe."_

_Matt purses his lips as he pulls out a container, looking up at her and pausing for only a moment. The light is cast over her face, shimmering on her skin as she turns her head to him and a stray curl flutters from it's place. He nods his head, grinning. "So, a picnic at Asguard. How's that for a first date?" She smiles as he fumbles with the lid of something, her head falling back to bask in the moonlight as she sighs. "It's rather fantastic."_

**XX**

_'_ Matt? Mathew, darling - Wake up. Please?'

**XX**

_It seems, despite his best attempts, her earlier assessment of 'fantastic' had been a little premature. He'd thought it had been going well, a shining light in his dark list of failed first dates. But then, cliché though it sounded, it rained. Unexpectedly and without warning, water covered them in meer moments. River gasped, hair falling from it's pins to cling to her face as he takes her hand and hoists her up, walking them backwards to seek shelter beneath a large oak tree. She stumbles back, pressing against the bark of the tree as droplets continue to slide down her cheeks, Matt stands in front of her, blushing furiously. "This - This wasn't supposed to happen." He mumbles, and she finds it so sweet, so endearing, she simply places one finger under his chin and raises his head, leaning forward to press her lips against his softly. Again, cliché and movie-esque, but it's perfect all the same. He fumbles for a moment, surprised by her sudden forwardness before leaning in to her. Her back presses against the bark as his hands drop to slide delishiously over her hips and up her waist. She hums in delight and approval as he deepens the kiss, stepping closer. He groans lightly as her tongue darts out and licks across his lower lip. He swears his heart is beating faster and he can hear nothing but the pounding of rain and the soft sounds that escape her lips. He doesn't care anyway._

_His arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer to him until their bodies are flush together, warmth seeking warmth in the surrounding cold as she parts her lips and he slips his tongue between her teeth, carressing her own with a heavy, shuddering breath. Her eyes flutter closed and he shivers as her hand rauns down his back and back up, slipping beneath his shirt to trail her nails softly over his back. His heart is thumping now, his head filling with everything River. Her scent, her voice, her touch. He pulls away, leaning his forehead down against hers with a smile as he closes his eyes. "River." He murmurs, she taking to nuzzling his jugular as she raises herself up on her toes and leans in to him._

**XX**

_"Are you done now?" She asks him, amused and irritated and excited and so, so ready. He huffs as he drops a box to the ground, raising his hands in triumph. "Now, I am done!" She rolls her eyes, throwing a dishtowel at his face. It hits him in the face and he growls what she assumes is supposed to be menacingly. "River!" Striding forward, she has little time to react before his arms are around her waist and he's lifting her off the ground. "Matt! Put me down!" He grins, shaking his head as he walks her backwards, she held limply in his arms. She refuses to make it easier for him, though the urge to wrap her legs around his waist or her arms around his neck is quite strong, she is determined. "Y'know, that was all your crap I just carried up three flights of stairs." He mutters in concentration, brow knitted together as he pushes open his - now their, bedroom door. "Hey, none of that is 'crap'." She defends, folding her arms as he deposits her on the edge of the bed. Matt grins, shrugging as he bends, his hands on either side of her as he leans forward. "Potato, Potato." He mutters, smirking as she leans back and he crawls forward, knees coming to support himself on the bed as she shuffles back, grinning at him. "Rude." She admonishes, grinning coyly as he crawls up her legs and hovers above her. He rolls his eyes, muttering 'Whatever' before lowering his head and stealing a kiss._

_She hums in delight, her hands sliding over his neck and tangling in his hair as she falls back on the pillow and he presses her in to the bed. He pecks her lips once before sliding his tongue down her throat, nipping softly at a spot he knows will draw a gasp from her lips as his hand trails along her thigh. She hooks her leg around his waist, his skirt sliding down to pool around her hips, and he ghosts his fingertips along her inner thigh. She sighs in content, purring low in her throat as her eyes flutter closed as he continues to kiss her neck lazily. Tentatively, his fingers slide along her inner thigh and toy with the lace of her underwear. River moans, bucking upwards in invitation as Matt grins. He tugs gently, not all that rushed but oh so very eager. His kisses continue along her neck and drop to her bare shoulder, goose flesh following his tongue as he pushes aside her underwear and prods experimentally at her sodden curls and smirks. "Shut up." She mutters breathlessly, feeling his smug grin on her skin as she raises her hips. "I still own my apartment, I can still leave." She threatens, though he can hear the lack of seriousness in her words. He lifts his lips from her shoulder and stares at her in disbelief, shaking his head. "You wouldn't do that, you love me too much." River grins, pursing her lips as a gasped 'Cheeky bastard' falls from her open lips. His hand has cupped her now, his fingertips running the length of her. He groans at the moisture that builds up, shaking his head as it falls forward to rest against her own. "The things you do to me." He mutters, circling her clit lazily with his thumb._

_He teases her, smiling as she closes her eyes tightly and her breathing slowly becomes heavier. "You're horrible." She growls, grinding her hips against his hand in an effort to get some form of relief as she opens her eyes and half-heartedly glares at him. "I hate you." Laughing, he slips two fingers inside her and curls his fingers, relishing in her arched back and yelped cry as he thrusts in and out, in and out, her velvet walls clenching around his fingers. "No you don't." He murmurs, leaning forward to kiss her once again as he slips a third finger inside and twists. Her hands slide across his shoulders and her nails dig in to his skin as she cries out, biting her lip as she rocks against his hand. He stares at her, utterly infatuated with the way she's thrown her head back, the way her eyes are closed tightly and the way her lips are parted as she cries her release. He's never been more in love, even to the point where just watching her causes his heart to race._

_Apparantly, painfully so._

_Matt frowns as an ache builds in his chest and he grimaces. He bites the inside of his cheek and closes his eyes, bowing his head to rest on River's chest as she pants, coming down from her high while he winces as the rapid thumping._

'Matt! Matt! _'_

_He opens his eyes as River's voice floats through the air to his, except, River's lying back, her eyes screwed shut with her arm thrown over for good measure. She's breathing heavily, but she gives no indication of having called out his name. Voices flit through his head, some he recognise like River, Laura, his mum and his dad. There's other's though, two Scot's and a Brit, but he doesn't recognise him. River's has been the most constant. He doesn't understand, and he doesn't really care. It'll pass. It's probably just exhaustion. He has just spent the last four hours carrying box upon box up and down stairs._

_Slowly, slipping his hand from River's sated heat, he crawls back up her body and curls in to her side, lying his head on her shoulder and before she can respond or return the favour, he's sound asleep._

**XX**

He doesn't remember what happened. All he remembers is waking up not to the woman he loves tucked under his arm, but to a white walled room and an IV in his arm. He blinks wearily, confused and nervous. Did something happen? Where's River? He begins to panic, the heart monitor and the ache he'd felt in his chest earlier returning as he stares around the room in frantic search. The doors open and his parents sidle in wearily. When his mother sees him awake, frantically tugging at the IV's and the various tubes that surround him, she wails loudly and rushes forward, enveloping him in a crushing hug as she cries and he yelps. "M-Mum?" His throat is raw and hoarse, but he doesn't care. He has to find River. He has to make sure she's okay. "Oh sweetie, oh darling, you're okay. It's okay." His mother rambles comforting words, but his focus has already been lost. _Where is she?_  His father stares at him with misted eyes and his hands clasped nervously in front of him. "Matt?" 

Lynn pulls away, turning to her husband before glancing back at her son with a worried gaze. "Honey?" Matt glances around once again before clearing his throat and attempting to speak. "Where's - Where's River?" His parents share a confused look, his mother shaking her head as she leans down. "River? Matt - do you mean Alex?" The name flashes through his head. 'River' now replaced with 'Alex' and he blinks. Alex, his friend, his coworker, the woman he's been in love with for years now. Not River. Alex. None of it was real, none of it. He chokes up a little, nodding his head as he turns away. "Yeah. Yeah I meant - I meant Alex." 

He stares out the window, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he watches rain drops race each other down the window pane. Sighing, he closes his eyes and will the dreams to come back. If he can never have Alex, as he is now certain he cannot, can he still have River?

**XX**

He's avoiding her. He's been avoiding her for weeks now, ever since he got out of the hospital. He keeps telling everyone that he's tired, that he's not feeling the best, that he's embarrassed about the 'knocked his head on set' aspect of his near week long unconscious adventure. They believe him somehow, for while he's a rather fantastic actor, a liar he is not. It's not that he doesn't want to see her. It's more that he doesn't know if he can without slipping, calling her 'River', or pushing her against the wall and snogging her senseless. He'd do that a lot with River.

She'd snog him right back.

The dreams are back. Every night he'll sleep, he'll live the life he wants so badly. Waking up next to River, cooking dinner with River, sleeping with River. 

Loving River.

Everything that he wants to do with Alex, he gets with River. But only when he sleeps. He hasn't returned to work, claiming his exhaustion when really it's a mission and a half to fall asleep. That's all he wants now. To sleep. His doctor prescribed him sleeping pills, because as mentioned, he's a brilliant actor. He should be worried about an addiction, but he can't tell if it's the pills he's addicted to, or River. Alex. Both of them.

**XX**

_"So, I'm thinking." River glances over her shoulder, smirking as she cuts in to the carrots for their dinner as he carefully measures the butter they need. "Oh dear, how terrifying!" Matt rolls his eyes, flicking a piece of celery at her and chuckling as it tangles in her hair. "Shut up." He pouts, River smiling as she places the knife on the bench and turns, stepping forward in to his arms and between his legs as he sits on the bench. "Go on." She urges, raising one brow as she smiles. "Impress me with your thinking."_

_Matt glares playfully at her, lifting a hand and tugging a curl lightly, watching as the food he'd thrown earlier drops to the floor. "I was thinking... We should get married."_

_River's smile falters as she leans back, her arms still wrapped around his waist though he can already with the slight tremble in her hands. "What?" She blinks at him, completely dazed as Matt rubs at his neck nervously, bowing his head and lowering his gaze. "I just - I'd thought about different ways to ask you. Dinner at a resturant, going back to the lake, having another picnic. Writing it in the sky or - I don't know. I couldn't think of anything that seemed - right. The only thing that feels 'right' is being with you. I just, thought - I don't know. Forget I said anything." He rambles when he nervous, when he's afraid or when he's panicking. She knows that about him because she knows him. She smiles, swallowing the trepidition as she shakes her head, whispers a soft 'No' before leaning forward and kissing him softly, barely ghosting his lips with her own. "I most certainly will not forget." She murmers as she kisses him again, arms lifting to wrap around his neck. "And - yes."_

**XX**

He's so far gone when she finds him that she thinks, for a fleeting second, he may be dead. Her throat closes up as panic wells within her, and she finds herself rushing forward, collapsing to her knees beside him as she gently presses her fingers to his neck. All those years on E.R had taught her at least basic medical procedure, and she finds herself releasing the breath she'd held in as relief rocks through her body. There's still a pulse, thank god. As relief settles, anger courses through her. How _dare_  he! What if he'd _died_? She glares at his sleeping form and jabs him hard in the side, folding her arms as she repositions herself to sit cross-legged. He gasps as he's shocked awake, his eyes bloodshot and dark circles shadowing his cheeks. He glances around, disorientated, until his gaze lands on her. "River?"

Alex frowns, biting her tongue as she shakes her head. "Not quite." She all but growls, glaring at him with fearful, angry eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you Matt?" She knows she's not referring to the no doubt near overdose, she is the last person to lecture about that. But she's noticed something was wrong with their leading man, something Matt didn't want anyone to know. At first, she'd thought what everyone else had. Exhaustion, humilation, pain. The accident was a few weeks ago, yes. But he'd managed to do quite a number on himself, enough that Steven had halted production until Matt felt ready to come back. This, all of this, she'd believed, along with everybody else. Until she looked harder. He was avoiding her, she knew that. Why, she couldn't tell. Maybe she'd done something wrong, of which she had no knowledge of. Whatever it was, she had just come to check on him, to see if he was okay. Instead, she finds him passed out on the floor of his living room and sporting a rather horrid shadow. Apparently, he was growing a beard now. 

"Nothin', don't worry 'bout it. Go 'way." He grumbles, turning away from her though he winces at his attitude. It's not her fault. It's his. He's the one in love with her. Or, with dream her. With both? He's sure River is Alex, just with a different name. His own subconscious' way of protecting him from the inevitable. Alex growls, shaking her head as she tugs on his shoulder and jerks him to face her. "No, you don't get to do that. If I've done something wrong, tell me Mathew." Matt cringes at the anger in her voice, closing his eyes as he tries desperately to cling to the image of River, white dress, wild-curled hair, teary eyes, walking down the aisle towards him. He can see it, can see her, but it's not River's name he wants to say 'I do' to. "Do _not_  ignore me Matt, I'm worried about you. Everyone is. Please just, what did I do?" She pleading now, but he can only see white. He smiles, shaking his head as his arm moves to lock around River's. 

Alex freezes as he reaches out for her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her down to lie beside him. It seems a, subconscious move. Something so natural that she relaxes instantly, though her brow still creases in worry, in concern. "Matt." She whispers softly, her heart pounding with fear for him. He smiles again, the haze in his head clearing slightly as he looks towards the woman standing beside him, nodding his head as he says 'I do' and grins. "I love you... 'Lex."

Alex freezes, as does Matt. He'd - He was supposed to say River. In his head. He was supposed to say 'I love you River', in his head. Not 'I love you Alex', out loud. Instantly, the vision clears and he opens his eyes, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling as Alex lies tense at his side. He swallows the nervousness, the awkwardness that he'd possessed in that coffee shop, by that lake... In that read-through. The first one. The very first one. He has nothing left to lose now, right? Nothing but her friendship, but he's already gone and buggered that up, what with the last few weeks. Turning his head, he stares in to her wide eyes and states firmly. "I love you Alex." 

She looks up at him, blinking her shock and confusion away as she stares at the dark, tired eyes of the man beside her. He moves to close his eyes, wondering if he'd be better off in the eternal black abyss, where he could stay with River, even if she wasn't Alex, when he feels lips press against his own softly. And he grins.

She tastes like Vanilla coffee.


End file.
